Who Should Be the Executor of Your Will? How to Choose Wisely

Choosing the executor of your will is one of those decisions that feels simple on the surface, just pick someone you trust, right? But carries more weight than most people realize. The person you name will manage your finances, navigate the legal system, communicate with your family, and make countless decisions on your behalf after you're gone.

Pick the wrong person, and you're leaving your family with unnecessary delays, legal complications, and potentially fractured relationships during an already difficult time. Pick the right one, and the entire process runs smoother than most families expect.

Here's how to make the right choice.

What to Look for in an Executor

The ideal executor isn't necessarily the oldest child, the family member with the most money, or the person with a law degree. The qualities that matter most are more practical than that.

Organizational Skills

Estate settlement is an exercise in project management. Your executor will track deadlines, manage paperwork across multiple institutions, file court documents, keep financial records, and coordinate with attorneys, accountants, banks, and government agencies often simultaneously. Someone who loses their own car keys weekly is going to struggle with this.

Financial Competence

Your executor doesn't need to be a CPA, but they should be comfortable managing money, reading financial statements, and making sound decisions about bills, taxes, and asset sales. They'll be responsible for every dollar that flows in and out of the estate.

Emotional Steadiness

This is the one people underestimate. Your executor will be doing all of this while grieving and while fielding calls from other family members who are also grieving, anxious, and sometimes impatient. The ability to stay calm under pressure, handle difficult conversations, and not take things personally is worth more than any technical skill.

Willingness to Serve

This sounds obvious, but it matters. Being named executor is a significant time commitment, often hundreds of hours spread over 9 to 18 months. Before naming someone, have a conversation with them. Make sure they understand what's involved and are genuinely willing to take it on. What does an executor actually do? Full duties breakdown

Geographic Proximity

Not a dealbreaker, but worth considering. An executor who lives near the deceased's property, local bank, and probate court can handle in-person tasks (clearing a house, attending hearings, meeting with local attorneys) much more easily than someone across the country. Most states allow out-of-state executors, but the logistics are harder.

Who Most People Choose (and Why)

In practice, the vast majority of people name a close family member:

A spouse or partner — the most common choice, and it makes sense for married couples where the surviving spouse will inherit most of the estate anyway. The challenge comes when the spouse is elderly, in poor health, or not comfortable with financial management.

An adult child — the second most common choice. Families often pick the child who's most organized or financially savvy, not necessarily the oldest. This works well when siblings get along. It can create resentment when they don't.

A sibling or close friend — more common for single individuals or people without children. Works best when the person knows your family dynamics and is comfortable navigating them.

An attorney or professional fiduciary — more common for complex estates, blended families, or situations where no family member is a good fit. Professional executors charge fees (typically 1–3% of the estate), but they bring experience and neutrality. How much do executors get paid?

Who to Avoid Naming as Executor

Some choices are technically legal but practically problematic:

Someone who doesn't get along with the beneficiaries. The executor needs to communicate regularly with everyone who has a stake in the estate. If there's a pre-existing conflict, the settlement process will amplify it.

Someone with serious financial problems. An executor who is deeply in debt, has a history of bankruptcy, or struggles with money management is a risky choice, both for practical reasons and because beneficiaries may question their handling of estate funds.

Someone very far away with no connection to the area. An executor in another state can serve, but managing a probate case, clearing out a house, and attending court hearings remotely adds difficulty and expense.

Someone too old or in declining health. Estate settlement takes a year or more and involves significant cognitive work. If there's a real chance your executor won't be able to serve when the time comes, name someone younger or name them as an alternate instead.

A minor. Children under 18 cannot legally serve as executor. If your children are young, name another adult as executor and consider naming your children as alternates once they reach adulthood.

Can You Have Two Executors of a Will?

Yes, and it's a common question. Naming co-executors means two people share the responsibility equally. They both sign documents, both make decisions, and both have fiduciary duties to the estate.

When Co-Executors Work Well

Co-executors can be a good idea when:

• Two siblings both want to be involved and naming one over the other would create conflict
• One person has financial expertise and the other has local presence — they bring complementary skills
• The estate is large or complex enough that two people genuinely need to share the workload
• You want built-in accountability — neither person acts alone, which provides a check on decision-making

When Co-Executors Cause Problems

The arrangement backfires when:

• The two people disagree on decisions. Most states require co-executors to act unanimously. If they can't agree on whether to sell the house, which attorney to hire, or how to handle a creditor claim, the estate stalls — and the only resolution is going to court, which costs money and time.
• One does all the work. In many co-executor arrangements, one person ends up handling 90% of the tasks while the other is a co-signer in name only. This breeds resentment.
• Communication breaks down. Every bank, institution, and attorney needs both signatures. Scheduling and coordination become a constant logistical challenge.

Do Both Co-Executors Need to Sign?

In most states both co-executors must sign checks, authorize transactions, and approve major decisions. Some states allow co-executors to act independently with a "majority rules" provision, but this is the exception. Before naming co-executors, check your state's rules or discuss it with your estate planning attorney.

If you're considering co-executors, ask yourself honestly: can these two people work together under stress, make joint decisions efficiently, and communicate well even when they disagree? If the answer is anything less than a confident yes, a single executor with an alternate is usually the safer choice.

Does a Will Need an Executor?

Technically, no. A will is valid even without naming an executor. But it creates extra work. If no executor is named, the probate court will appoint an administrator using the state's priority list (typically spouse first, then adult children, then other relatives). This means someone has to petition the court, potentially compete with other family members for the role, and wait longer to get started.

Naming an executor in your will avoids all of that. It tells the court exactly who you want handling your affairs, and in most cases, the court honors that choice without question.

If you've already written a will but didn't name an executor or your named executor has since died or become unable to serve, it's worth updating your will. Adding an executor and an alternate takes a simple codicil or a conversation with your estate planning attorney. How to become executor of an estate (with or without a will)

Professional Executors: When to Hire One

You don't have to choose a family member. Professional executors which include attorneys, bank trust departments, and licensed fiduciaries all can handle estate settlement as a business. They bring experience, neutrality, and process to the role.

Consider a professional executor if:

• No family member is willing, able, or appropriate for the role
• Your family dynamics are complicated (blended families, estranged relatives, ongoing disputes)
• The estate is large or complex (businesses, properties in multiple states, significant tax obligations)
• You want to remove the burden entirely from your loved ones

The trade-off is cost. Professional executors typically charge 1–3% of the estate's value, and unlike a family member, they won't waive their fee. For a $500,000 estate, that's $5,000–$15,000. For some families, the peace of mind is worth every dollar.

Frequently Asked Questions

The Bottom Line

The right executor is someone who is organized, financially competent, emotionally steady, and willing to do the work. They don't need to be a lawyer or a financial expert, they just need to be the kind of person who follows through, keeps good records, and can communicate clearly with your family during a difficult time.

Have the conversation now. Tell them what's in your will, where your important documents are, and what you'd want them to know. That single conversation can save your family weeks of confusion and stress when it matters most.

And when the time comes, tools like Percorso help executors stay organized from day one, tracking milestones, storing documents, and keeping every family member informed in one private dashboard.